


Heavy.

by Opalarius



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry for hurting best boy, Ignis is such a mom friend, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-05-26 03:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14991872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalarius/pseuds/Opalarius
Summary: AU in which 12 year old Prompto develops an eating disorder while trying to lose weight. Eight years later, while on a roadtrip with the boys, his old habits return. Prompto wrestles with his own thoughts and anxieties to keep the others from finding out. If any of them ever found out what he was doing to himself... they wouldn't want him around anymore. He was sure of that.Based on a true story. My story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It was really hard to write this and try to capture my experience but I think it's important to talk about. If I had known all those years ago how truly terrifying eating disorders are, I would have gotten help a lot sooner. If the people in my life knew what to look out for, I would have gotten help a lot sooner. Eating disorders will rob you of any happiness and self-confidence you have. It will make you feel so in control that you won't even realize you can't control it. Eating disorders have permanent consequences that you never even imagined. Please, if you think you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder get some help. It is never worth it.

Prompto layed in bed, heart pounding in his chest. He forced his eyes closed and desperately tried to sleep but his insides seemed to squirm with… excitement? Anxiousness? Probably both. 

Just a few hours ago he had received a letter from Lady Lunafreya Nox Fleuret. 

She asked him to become friends with Noctis. 

She asked him to become friends with the  _ prince.  _

He sighed. How could he talk to someone like that? He had a hard time making friends with anyone. He was awkward and weird. He tripped on anything and everything. Not to mention the way he looked...

Even so, Lady Lunafreya had requested this of  _ him.  _ How could he let her down? 

Prompto sat up in defeat. Sleep was just not going to happen. He swung himself off the bed, standing there for a moment before plopping himself into his desk chair. 

His mind raced with every single thing that could go wrong if he tried to talk to Noctis. His chest grew tighter and tighter and a burning feeling crawled up his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best to focus on his breathing. 

Breathe in, two, three, four. Breathe out, two, three, four. 

He continued until he no longer felt suffocated by his anxiety. 

_ You can do this, _ he told himself over and over until the words sunk in. 

He had no idea how long it took but he finally managed to calm himself down. He had a lot of practice doing this sort of thing. Since he was a child he had more fear than he knew what to do with. But no one was ever around to calm him down or comfort him. No one was there when he needed them. 

He grabbed Lunafreya’s letter before returning to bed, letting the sweet, pleasant smell lull him to sleep. 

* * *

 

He fiddled with the sweatband on his right arm, gripping his camera tightly with the other hand. He knew what he had to do but it didn’t make him any less nervous. 

He peeked around the corner, catching a glimpse of the prince, and immediately retracted his head. He fought to control his breathing again while his heart tried to escape through his throat. He wanted to collapse to the ground. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this. 

No, he had to. He knew he’d be anxious every single day until he talked to Noctis. Even if he blew it and embarrassed himself horribly… at least he could say he tried. 

_ I can do this, _ he reassured himself, realizing too late he had accidentally said it out loud. Luckily he had said it soft enough that the prince didn’t hear. 

_ Okay, it’s just like we rehearsed. You go up to Noctis. You say hello. You ask if he wants to see your collection of photographs.  _

Prompto made eye contact with Noctis. He did his best to smile, even wave a little bit. “Um h-hello, prince!” 

_ Okay now walk up to him. Whatever you do don’t- _

He felt his feet slide from underneath him as he tried to step over an obstacle in his way. Horrified, he slid across the dirt face first. 

_ Trip,  _ he finished, feeling shame wash over him. He really hoped he hadn’t started to blush. When he did, it wasn’t like a cute pink glow across his cheeks like it was in anime. No, his was ugly like a horrible red rash that spread across his entire face and his ears. 

He panicked, suddenly remembering his camera. He opened his eyes, seeing that it was still safely in his hand. He breathed a sigh of relief. 

Noctis gasped, rushing over to him. “Is everything alright?”

Prompto was taken off guard. “Y-yes, it looks fine,” he replied, staring at the camera. 

Noctis leaned down and stuck out his hand. Prompto stared at it for a second, confused. He tried handing over the camera to the prince, sure that’s what he wanted. “Oh, uh, here you go…” he said. 

Noctis just laughed, a sound that seemed to comfort Prompto a bit. The sound was so soft and perfect. “Not that,” Noctis said. And then it finally clicked. Noctis was trying to help him up. 

He was so surprised by the gesture. No one had ever really been worried about him before. No one had ever really bothered to see if he was okay. But, Noctis had. Even though they didn’t really know each other.

His heart swelled with a new feeling he didn’t quite recognize. For the first time in his life, another person seemed to care about him. He was overjoyed. 

He was glad he found the courage to try to talk to him, even if hadn’t gone very well. Noctis was so kind to him. He wanted to never leave his side. 

“Huh? S-sorry,” was all he could muster. He crawled up to his knees before accepting Noctis’ hand. 

Noctis pulled and pulled with all his strength. “You’re heavy,” he grunted, struggling to help Prompto to his feet. 

The words shot Prompto through his heart. Negative emotions flooded his entire body. “Heavy,” he repeated woefully. 

When Prompto was finally on his feet, the school bell rang immediately. 

Noctis, completely unaware of Prompto’s state of mind cheerfully said, “Well, see you!” before running off to class. 

Prompto barely even heard the words. He was just frozen there, feeling numb. At least he wasn’t crying. Yet. 

“Heavy,” he said again before snapping out of his haze. 

He ran after the prince, shouting, “W-wait! I-” 

He tripped again. Of course he did. He couldn’t do anything right. 

Noctis would never want to be friends with someone like him. “I knew it. There was no way we could…” 

He remembered Noctis’ laugh, how it seemed to calm him and make him feel happy. He remembered his kindness. He remembered how great it felt to feel like someone cared about him. 

“No! We will be friends.” He was determined. Noctis could never be friends with someone as pathetic and awkward and...and… _h_ _ eavy _ … as him. But, if Prompto could change himself… If he could become someone the prince could be friends with then maybe he had a chance. 

That night he sniffed Lunafreya’s letter, letting the smell fill him with the determination he needed to do this. He just needed to change almost everything about himself. Easier said than done. He decided to start with the obvious problem- his weight. 

He grabbed his camera to take a before picture so he could track his progress but the sight of himself in the mirror made him sick. He starred in the mirror for a while, criticising every flaw on his body. He sighed. Even if he wasn’t disgustingly overweight, he’d still be left with those disgusting freckles that engulfed his face. He’d still be left with his weird bushy eyebrows, his lopsided smile, his horrible glasses… 

He sighed, pushing the thoughts from his mind and snapped a photo. He taped the photo to the fridge, hoping the sight of it would remind him of his goal.

~~Or at least remind him how disgusting he looks.~~

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompto begins his weight loss journey. It starts off innocently but is quickly soured by his self-loathing and intrusive thoughts. Bad habits form- habits that Prompto has no idea are incredibly damaging to both his body and mind.

The next morning before school he woke up early enough to go jogging. It seemed like a good idea at the time but he ended up making it only a few metres before needing to stop to catch his breath. Pathetic. To make it worse, he spent the rest of the day feeling sweaty and gross. After school would probably be better. Hopefully. 

He saw Noctis at school almost every day. He wanted nothing more than to talk to him again, to hear him laugh one more time but he knew he couldn’t. 

Weeks passed and nothing seemed to have changed. He was still just as heavy and gross as before. He looked through the photos, scrutinizing every detail, looking for some kind of sign that he was accomplishing something. 

Suddenly, a kid bumped into him, interrupting Prompto’s train of thought. “Uh sorry,” the kid said awkwardly. 

“It’s okay…” he replied absentmindedly. 

_ You’re gonna have to learn how to actually talk to people. Come on, say something _ . 

“But um…” he heard himself say. Welp. No backing out now. As he struggled to think of something to say his eyes wandered back to his camera. “I… I want to be a good runner. Got any tips?” 

The kid gave him a quizzical look. Prompto flushed.

The kid and his friends gave him some tips which Prompto accepted gratefully but sheepishly. He also ended up looking up some tips on the internet like he probably should have done in the first place. 

The tips really made a difference too. He could run further without stopping for breaks. He could run longer without feeling like he was about to cough up blood. More endurance. More speed. Faster recovery time. It made him feel good. 

Nothing had really changed physically which was disappointing. He squinted at the photo from three weeks ago, comparing it to the one he had taken that night like a game of spot the difference. Except as far as he could tell, there were no differences. 

Maybe he needed other ways of tracking progress. A thorough search of the house yielded an old scale with missing batteries-although it took the same kind of battery as the tv remote so that wasn’t a problem- and a measuring tape like what tailors use. He got to work jotting down a bunch of numbers and measurements on a scrap of paper. 

He also tried to cut down on how much junk he was eating. He read somewhere that was a good thing to do. He stopped drinking the soft drink that came with his fast food meal but unfortunately there wasn’t a whole lot he could do aside from that. He didn’t really have a choice whether or not he ate fast food. It’s not like his parents were around to welcome him home and cook him a nice meal. And he didn’t really know how to cook on his own.

The next week, he took all those measurements again and compared them to last week’s results. He had lost five pounds. He felt so excited. He started punching in a few numbers in his calculator, trying to determine how long it would take for him to lose 100 pounds. 

If he went at this rate it would only take him 20 weeks. His heart leapt, realizing he was only months away from being able to talk to Noctis. 

He continued running, seeing his stamina and confidence slowly increasing. He continued eating less, even gathering the courage to try to cook. He ended up eating a lot of salad since it seemed to be the only thing he could make without burning anything. All the while he did this, he sniffed the letter again, reminding himself why he was doing this. 

Week three hit him hard. He lost no weight. Not even a little. He blinked at the numbers, hoping he was reading them wrong. 

But… he was doing everything he did before. Why was it suddenly different? 

Anxiety flooded through him, making him realize he had no control over his body and that he’d always be stuck like this. 

No, he’d just have to try a little harder, that’s all. 

He doubled his running time that week. He was sore and exhausted. 

He ate salad every night. 

But at the end of the week he found he had only lost half a pound. He wanted to cry. He didn’t know what else he could do. 

_ You are disgusting. You deserve to be stuck like this your entire life. _

He bit back the tears, entering the kitchen to grab something dinner. His hand stopped as it grazed over the fridge handle. There on the door was the picture he took that first week. 

_ Ew. Look at that lardface. _

He slipped his hand off the fridge door and returned to his room. He felt sick all of a sudden. 

He woke up the next morning hungry and ashamed. He couldn’t believe he had just… skipped dinner like that. He couldn’t let it happen again. 

He decided to start tracking how many calories he was eating. He hoped by doing that it could help him regulate his diet without skipping meals. And it worked too. He hadn’t realized how many calories he was consuming until then. He cut back a little, hoping he would go back to losing weight. 

He lost two pounds that week. He relaxed a little. It certainly wasn’t as fast as he would like but… at least it was something. 

The salads didn’t really have many calories in them so most of his calories came from the school provided lunches. He didn’t really have a choice whether or not he ate those, even if they were overloaded with calories. Instead, he tried to eat as little as possible, pushing the food around on his plate, eating with the tiniest of bites, chewing exactly fifty times before swallowing. Sure it was a bit weird but... these things gave him a sense of control over something he didn’t have a lot of control over. 

For a while, his progress seemed pretty steady. He was so proud of himself. He gained a little more confidence every time he measured and saw he had lost weight. He didn’t even realize how dependant he was on it, how much his self worth became attached to the numbers on the scale. 

He soon found himself measuring more and more often. Far beyond what was necessary. 

He began to see how few calories he could consume in a day. The fewer the better. As long as he was eating three meals a day he was fine- or so he thought. His record so far was 1000 calories but that was only on the weekends when he didn’t have to eat those pesky school lunches. 

The lower the numbers, the better he felt. 

Finally, he was getting somewhere. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During my recovery process I wrote some tips for those trying to lose weight to help them do so in a healthy way and I think this is a good place to share them. Trying to lose weight while in the wrong mindset was one of the major factors in the development of my eating disorder. And I know I'm not the only one. Hatred of your body is such a dangerous motivator for weight loss.   
> 1) Stop obsessing. Failure can and will happen many times on your journey. The sooner you accept that, the better you will feel.   
> 2) Try again. Don't let failure defeat you. Don't let it lead you to overcompensate.   
> 3) You don't have to be your goal weight to be happy or comfortable in your body. Don't wait for that magic number on the scale to fix your insecurities. It won't.   
> 4) Be patient. Your journey may take longer than you originally anticipated but that's perfectly okay!   
> 5) Focus on being healthy rather than being thin. 
> 
> Thank you for your support! Again, I'll upload when I can. Take care of yourselves!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompto, now 15, finally reaches his goal weight and decides to talk to Noctis. The two quickly become friends. Prompto thinks he's finally overcome his unhealthy habits but quickly discovers that's not the case.

It took him three years. Three years to finally reach his goal weight.

It was a long and painful journey, full of disappointments and plateaus. Full of strictness and self-hatred. Full of habits that he now realized were kind of destructive.

But he made it. He was smaller, more toned now. He still hated himself and his body but… maybe now at least he wouldn’t be as heavy.

At the very least, he had an easier time talking to people. He found over the years he could be a very pleasant and sociable person. He definitely seemed to outgrow some of the awkwardness and replace it with fake confidence.

And he got rid of those ugly glasses. Although, contacts proved to be a hassle; putting things near his eyes makes him squeamish.

Today was the day. He didn’t quite feel ready but he supposed he’d never feel ready.

Prompto took a deep breath and approached Noctis, slapping him on the shoulder and flashing a grin. “Hey there, Prince Noctis!”

Noctis looked over, visibly surprised.

Prompto bowed a little and said, “I’m Prompto! Nice to meet you!”

Noctis furrowed his brow and looked him up and down. For a second, Prompto panicked, thinking Noctis was scrutinizing him. Somehow he kept his smile unwavering.

But Noctis wasn’t judging the way he looked; he was remembering him. Somehow Prompto felt that was worse.  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Prompto just laughed it off, hoping Noctis would drop the subject. He didn’t want Noctis to remember him like that. He didn’t want to even admit to himself he looked like that.

Luckily Noctis did drop the subject and the two of them walked off together.

Prompto felt happy again, like he did on the first day he tried to talk to Noctis. Like he did before his dumb fat body ruined it for them.

Turns out he and Noctis have a lot in common. They like a lot of the same movies, the same games, the same anime. They both loved King’s Knight.

Noctis quickly became his best friend in the entire world. He wondered if Noctis felt the same about him.

They were hanging out together at lunch. Noctis had finished eating already but Prompto took a bit longer to eat thanks to all those weird habits he developed.

“Ugh, Ignis has been driving me crazy lately,” Noctis complained. “You’re so lucky you don’t have an advisor at your ass anytime you do something.”

Prompto laughed. “Dude, can’t you just order him off or something?”

Noctis shook his head. “I just need to get away from him for a few hours. What are you doing after school today?”

Prompto nearly choked on his food like the smooth bastard he is. He had always wanted to hang out with Noctis after school but he was too awkward to initiate anything. He didn’t know if Noct even liked him too and he didn’t want to push things too fast and make it weird and he definitely didn’t want to come across as clingy even though he totally was because he didn’t really have people in his life and he was so starved for affection and human interaction and ugh why did he have to be like this?

“I don’t have any plans. Wanna hit up the arcade or something?”

Noctis smiled. “Hell yeah I do. Thanks, Prom.”

_Oh my god he gave me a nickname._

He had a really great time at the arcade. Noctis was the greatest friend he could ever ask for.

At the arcade Noct’s phone kept ringing which didn’t seem to bother him. He eventually put it on mute.

“Who keeps calling dude?” Prompto asks.

Noctis sighs. “Who else?”

Right. Of course it’s Ignis.

“Uh, you did tell him you were coming to the arcade after, right?” Prompto asked even though he already knew the answer.

Noct shrugged. “Well, he was already pissed at me. If I told him he wouldn’t have let me go.”

Prompto wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. He processed the information for a bit before slapping his shoulder and giving him a smile. “Well then let’s enjoy the acade. That sounds like a problem for future us.”

Noctis returned his smile. “Yeah, live in the moment.”

Suddenly they were interrupted when Prompto’s cell went off. Unknown number.

He picked up before Noctis could stop him. “Heya!”

“Do you have any idea where Noctis is?” an irritated English voice came from the other end. How the hell did Ignis get his number? Did Ignis even know they were friends?

Prompto laughed nervously. “Sorry dude, I think you have the wrong number.” He hung up immediately.

Noctis snorted. “I can’t believe you just did that.”  

Prompto grinned. “Well I guess now we’re both in big trouble.”

Prompto’s cell rang again. Same number. He rejected the call.

Do not disturb.

Prompto’s stomach suddenly made a loud rumble, causing them both to laugh.

“Let’s go find something to eat,” Noctis said. “I heard there’s a great pizza place down the street.”

Prompto smiled, feeling hungry. “Dude it’s been like three years since I’ve had pizza. That sounds great.”

They smiled, they laughed, they ate. It was a great evening. Well, until Ignis found them and dragged Noctis into the car by his ear, all while glaring at Prompto.

He walked home, feeling his gut fuller than usual. It felt strange. His body wasn’t used to processing such fatty foods either so it gave him nasty heartburn that night.

He gained one pound.

He tried his best to be okay with it, after all it was just one pound. But he really wasn’t okay with it. He hadn’t been okay for a while. Seeing the numbers go up sent him reeling with self hatred again. He felt he had completely lost control over his life. He was going to end up looking like _that_ again.

He skipped dinner the next night to make up for it. Sure, not the healthiest choice but it was really all he could do.

He thought all his confidence issues would be solved once he hit some magical number on the scale. But they weren’t. He felt just as sad and empty as ever.

At least he had Noctis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading/ leaving kudos/ comments! Stay safe out there and take care of yourselves!
> 
> If you were wondering, yes I am doing much better. I actually was able to stop the habits before they progressed too far but I was in denial for so long. It was like that comic of the dog sitting in the burning building like "this is fine."  
> Proper education is so important. I remember learning about eating disorders in school but they only taught me about the extreme kind. Like this girl who was already a healthy weight stopped eating entirely until she became a skeleton and had to be hospitalized because her body didn't recognize food anymore. And I guess they were trying to show us the horrifying reality of eating disorders but I was dumb and thought it's not an eating disorder until it's that bad. It doesn't matter how extreme it is, it's a problem that needs fixing. And the sooner you fix it, the easier it will be and the sooner you can be happy again. 
> 
> Bonus: Other dumb things I thought about eating disorders that kept me in denial for so long  
> \- Only girls get eating disorders (I can't get an eating disorder because I'm not a girl)  
> -Only skinny people get eating disorders (I'm overweight so this is just "dieting*")  
> \- It's not an eating disorder if you eat three times a day (a single granola bar counts as a meal, right?)  
> \- People with eating disorders NEVER eat so as long as I eat something I'm fine (it's totally normal to live on only 750 calories)  
> \- I feel okay sometimes and eat a normal amount so it can't be an eating disorder (it's totally normal to overcompensate the next day for all the food you ate when you felt okay)
> 
> *The "this is just a diet" idea particularly sucks because people noticed some of the things I was doing and congratulated me for trying to lose weight (because I'm overweight). This only encouraged me. It seems like such a common complement these days "Wow, have you lost weight? Congratulations!" but weight loss is not always healthy (tapeworms, depression, flu, anorexia, etc are all reasons someone may have lost weight and are probably not something you want to praise.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years later, Prompto and his friends start on their roadtrip. Prompto finds himself falling back into those habits and lying just to keep those he cares about from finding out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I didn't update for a while but chapter 4 is finally here! Times between chapters will probably be a bit longer than before but I will update as often as I can. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Five years passed and he found himself on a roadtrip with his best friends in the entire world. Although, he’d never understand why they invited him. He wasn’t nobility. He wasn’t strong. He wasn’t smart. All he could do was take dumb pictures. 

But Noctis wanted him there. 

It was the happiest he had felt in a long time. He never imagined his life would ever get to this point. Eight years ago he felt alone and miserable all the time. He was fat, friendless and his life was slowly spiralling out of control.

But he made it. To here. To this moment. And he was happy. 

Prompto leaned out of the Regalia, feeling the breeze blow his hair around, watching the trees whip by and the sun rise to its peak.

Something about the way the sun glinted off the cliff sides gave him a brief burst of inspiration. He quickly pulled out his camera and began to snap a few photos; photos of the cliffs, the trees, the sun, and even a shot or two of the boys in the backseat. 

Leaning back into his seat, he looked through the photos he had taken. When he got to the one of Gladio and Noctis he sighed. 

Why were his friends so pretty? He wished he could be that pretty. He was like a dandelion in a bouquet of roses. 

_ You don’t belong here, you ugly piece of shit.  _

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force the thought out of his mind. 

His negative thoughts still bother him all the time but he did his best to push them away. He’d be horrified if his friends ever found out that he wasn’t the confident, happy-go-lucky optimist he pretended to be. They would hate him if they ever found out the truth.

Suddenly the car pulled into a rest stop. 

“We should refuel the Regalia before continuing,” Ignis informed. “Perhaps we could replenish our supply of curatives as well.”

Noctis nodded, already working to remove the gas cap. 

A smell wafted over, making Prompto’s mouth water and distracting him from his thoughts. It was a greasy, comforting smell. He grinned. “Hey, wanna hit up the crow’s nest?” 

“If you wish to put on weight, certainly,” Ignis replied. 

The words crushed him. 

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed, doing the best he could to keep the hurt out of his voice. 

He thought about Ignis’ words all night. He knew Ignis hadn’t meant to hurt him like this, only to remind him he should be careful. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. 

He stepped outside the caravan. It was late but Prompto couldn’t sleep. His chest felt tight and a heavy lump formed in his stomach.

_ You’re disgusting. How could you even want to eat that food? You’re weak and pathetic.  _

_ Stop it!  _ He wanted to cry. His thoughts were getting stronger, more intrusive. More toxic. He tried to push the thoughts away but he was too exhausted and weak to succeed. 

_ You’ll never be anything more than a sad lonely fat kid.  _

He fell to the ground, placing his shaking hands over his ears, wishing that would stop his own thoughts. He felt the anxiety rise in his chest until he was left sobbing on the ground, gasping for air. 

He really hoped no one could see him like this. 

_ You’re so pathetic. You can’t even handle the truth without turning into a gross sobbing mess.  _

_ You deserve to feel this miserable. I hope your “friends” find you like this. Then they’ll see who you really are. It’s not like you ever deserved them anyway.  _

He slumped in defeat. Maybe they were right. 

 

He pushed his eggs around on his plate. He couldn’t bear to eat another bite. 

“Feeling alright, Prompto?” Ignis asked, noting his barely touched breakfast. 

“Just a little nauseous suddenly,” Prompto said, hoping it would keep him from asking more questions. 

He couldn’t possibly tell Iggy the truth, though he wasn’t entirely sure what the truth was. He was anxious to eat. It made him feel out of control, weak, animalistic, for reasons he didn’t quite understand. 

“I hope you’re not coming down with something,” Ignis replied. “Well, tell me if you start feeling worse.” 

Prompto nodded, feeling himself zone out. He would have to eat eventually. They would know something’s up and he couldn’t let them know. They’d try to stop him. 

He wished he could just run away. It’s not like he really deserved to be around these people anyway. His fingers grazed the bracelet on his right arm instinctively. It served as a reminder of why he didn’t deserve anything.

 

“Still nauseous, Prom?” Noct asked, eyebrows scrunched together. 

Prompto nodded, unsure what else to do. Noctis already noticed something was up so it wasn’t like he could pretend he was fine. But they would only buy the “nauseous” excuse for so long. 

Ignis frowned, causing Prompto to blurt out, “B-but! It’s uh… I feel better than this morning.” 

This seemed to cause the others to relax a bit. Noctis breathed a sigh of relief. 

“I’ll make you some tea then. It’s a bit easier to stomach and it should give you some relief,” Ignis announced. 

Prompto agreed. Tea sounded nice. His stomach ached for him to put  _ something  _ in it. 

The flavour was nice. It tasted vaguely lemony with a hint of something floral. Ignis had added honey to it so it was smooth and sweet. It helped ease the hunger too. 

He stood up from the table, stretching a little. “Mmm good as new. Thanks doc!” 

Ignis smiled, seeing Prompto return to his usual cheeriness. Prompto had to keep it up. After all, making other people happy seemed to be the only thing he was good at.

 

He ended up lying to them a lot, as often as he dared. “I’m not hungry,” “I feel sick,” “Oh! I ate already!” He wasn’t sure how long he could keep this up. 

He so desperately just wanted to be able to eat again without hating himself for it. He wanted to be able to just live his life like everyone else seemed to be able to. These habits were slowly killing him. 

But he couldn’t stop. It gave him control. He felt such a rush of pride and accomplishment every time he succeeded in missing another meal. And without these habits, he’d be right back to where he was eight years ago. He didn’t even want to think about that. 

Even if he did want to stop, the intrusive thoughts were so much stronger than him now. He had fed and indulged them for years. They kept him in this vicious cycle. 

At this point he could no longer deny what he was doing to himself. He knew what it was. But he just couldn’t accept it. 

He needed help. He understood that now. But he couldn’t tell his friends about this. He couldn’t let them see how pathetic and vulnerable he really is. 

Maybe he really should run away. At least then he wouldn’t have to pretend to be okay. He wouldn’t have to lie every time his habits took over. 

But he had nowhere else to go and his friends were the one source of enjoyment in his life even if he felt inferior and unworthy of them. 

Everything was such a mess. He had no idea what to do anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompto begins a new bad habit. One that absolutely terrifies him.

The four of them stepped into the hotel room beaming. It was Noctis’ birthday and that meant celebration. They had splurged a bit and got a room in the nicest hotel in Eos- Galdin Quay.

Ignis had prepared some sort of fish dinner from the fish Noct caught earlier that day. Ignis was also preparing a special cake for the prince’s birthday. Even from the bedroom the smell of it made Prompto’s stomach ache with desire.

Prompto had been doing a lot better lately although he was unsure why. He just felt a bit better and began eating regularly again. I guess that’s just how the mind works sometimes, you have good days and bad days.

Noctis and Prompto were engaged in a video game just like back in the old days. Noct was kicking his ass too, not that he minded. After all, it was his birthday.

“Duuuude,” Prompto complained as Noctis performed a really spammy attack.

Noctis grinned. “What? Can’t handle it?” he taunted.

“As if,” Prompto replied, breaking free and smashing Noctis’ character to the ground.

They both laughed. It was such a nice moment; together with Noctis, enjoying the game and each others’ company. God, Noctis’ laugh was so perfect. Prompto felt warm every time he heard it.

He hated his own laugh though. It was awkward and breathy. And his entire face heated up and turned this ugly shade of red.

“Cake’s done. Finish up your game if you’d like slice,” Ignis announced.

The game ended soon after when Prompto foolishly fell off a edge. Dumbass.

Noct seemed to find it funny and he couldn’t help but laugh along.

Ignis placed a slice in front of each of them. Noct’s was decorated with colourful candles and rainbow sprinkles.

Prompto had no idea how many slices he ate. He was relaxing, enjoying the evening, laughing, playing games, chatting.

Laying down in bed that night he soon regretted letting himself relax earlier. All that cake pressed uncomfortably against his stomach walls. He felt all sluggish and weird. Not to mention the horrible acid reflux that was crawling up his throat.

He couldn’t sleep. Every position just felt uncomfortable. He wished there was some way to relieve some of the pressure in his stomach….

Maybe there was a way. The thought terrified him but the thought of keeping all that cake inside him, god knows how much that was, was even more terrifying.

He snuck out of bed and into the hotel bathroom.

_How could you let yourself eat all that cake you fatfaced turd? Disgusting._

He closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath.

_Do you have any idea how many calories you just ate? You’re gonna gain ten pounds just from this one night! Is that what you want?_

He turned on the tap so on the off chance one of them was still awake, they probably wouldn’t hear what he was about to do.

_You’ll always be the fat kid. I don’t know why you even bother trying._

He knelt down in front of the toilet, eyes welling up. He ground his teeth together, squeezing his eyes shut. It would all be over soon.

When he was done, he felt a lot better. Mentally, at least. Physically, he kinda felt like he might vomit again. And his limbs were weak by the effort it took.

But at least it was out of him.

He flushed the toilet, shut off the tap and crawled back into bed. Not a single crownsguard stirred. Prompto took this as a sign that he had successfully managed not to wake anyone.

Pride swelled in his chest for reasons he couldn’t explain. He was glad he did it. He did it even though it scared him. He had managed to stop the calories from digesting and making him gross and fat again.

But guilt also swelled in his chest. He knew that this was a dangerous path he really shouldn’t go down. And if anyone ever found out…

Prompto closed his eyes and drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing I learned about eating disorders that I didn't know before I got one is that they rarely fall neatly into the category of "anorexia" or "bullemia". Or at least mine didn't. Often, things are a lot more complicated than that. And, the more you adapt to overcome certain habits, new habits will fill their place. Eating disorders are stubborn b*tches that do everything they can to stick around. Sometimes that can mean evolving to hurt you in other ways.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ignis confronts Prompto about his "nausea". Prompto has a panic attack.

“Prompto, a word?” Ignis asked, motioning toward the empty tent. Noct was off fishing and Gladio was assisting him. So it was just Prompto and Ignis back at the camp. 

Prompto’s mouth went dry. “Uh yeah, sure.” 

The two entered the tent. 

“So… what’s up?” Prompto asked with an involuntary laugh. 

“You know you can tell us anything, right?” His expression was serious and intense. 

“Uh yeah, of course,” Prompto replied. But his voice cracked. 

Ignis did not look very convinced. His expression softened to that of a concerned mother. 

“How is your nausea?” Ignis asked, feeling the heat radiating from Prompto’s head. 

Prompto backed away from the sudden touch, unused to the feeling. “Um,” his voice sounded oddly strained. “Fine?” 

“Any headaches, muscle weakness, dizziness?” Ignis asked. 

_ Oh my god. He noticed. He noticed. What the hell do I do? _

“Well, sometimes I guess…” he said, immediately wishing he had just lied. 

Ignis nodded and held out both his hands. “I want you to grab my hands and squeeze them as hard as you can,” he instructed. 

Prompto followed along, knowing he wouldn’t be able to squeeze very hard. He felt the anxiety stirring in his stomach. 

“So, what’s the diagnosis, doc?” Prompto asked as playfully as he could muster. 

“Well, you’re malnourished for starters,” Ignis began but suddenly stopped. He motioned for Prompto to sit down. His face was serious and intense but his eyes betrayed his worry. 

Prompto sat down on the edge of the bed next to Ignis.

“Prompto... I think we both know what’s been going on. I didn’t want to force you to tell me before you were ready but… please I really need you to be honest with me.”

Prompto swallowed, his throat throbbed.  “Alright,” he croaked. “I-” he felt his eyes well up.

 

_ No. You tell him and you ruin everything. No one will want to be friends with you if they knew the truth about how disgusting and pathetic you are.  _

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything,” Ignis pleaded. 

Horror filled his entire body. He had spent months keeping anyone from finding out. And now it was all for nothing. His heart jumped and tried to escape through his throat, causing him to suddenly choke. Tears spilled out against his will.  He turned his head away, hating that Ignis had to see him be so pathetic and weak. 

“Prompto?” Ignis froze, unsure how to react. 

Even in his condition, Prompto’s managed to gasp out, “Please go.” More tears coated his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around his body seeking comfort. 

Ignis wrapped his arm around Prompto’s shoulders and gave him a soft squeeze. He wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Please,” he sobbed, “I d-don’t… I don’t want…” he choked. “want y-you to see me like this.” 

Before Prompto had even realized it, he curled himself into Ignis’ embrace and sobbed into his shirt.

Ignis tightened the hug, rubbing little circles on Prompto’s back. It was all he could really think to do. He just hoped it was enough. 

With every stroke Prompto felt his anxiety calm a little. Slowly, his breathing started to steady. He still found speaking difficult but it was little more manageable now. 

“S-sorry,” he muttered. 

“I’m sorry too,” Ignis said softly. “I let this go on far too long.”

Prompto only sobbed harder. WIth a bitter laugh he muttered, “It’s not your fault I’m so… p-pathetic and stupid and-”  

“Enough,” Ignis replied, a sudden sternity in his tone. “Please don’t speak about yourself that way.”

_ Pfft. Don’t speak about yourself that way? Why not? It’s true, isn’t it?  _

The anxiety surged once again. He gripped Ignis’ shirt a little tighter. He was struggling for breath. 

Ignis hugged him a little tighter and resumed stroking his back.

There was silence for a while. Just the sounds of his ragged breathing, his heart pounding in his ears, his gross sobs. 

“I wish I knew how to help you… but I don’t quite understand what’s happening,” Ignis admitted. 

But the anxiety only got worse. God, if Ignis knew how pathetically desperate he was for him to stay… How disgustingly clingy he was...

“It’s alright, we can figure this out together,” Ignis choked. “But until then we can just sit here for as long as you need.”

Prompto gave a weak nod. “Sorry about your shirt…” 

“It’s alright,” Ignis replied.

Prompto heard the words but couldn’t believe them. 

And so they sat there for who knows how long. Just when Prompto felt his breathing slow he was hit with another burst of anxiety. 

This wasn’t fair on Ignis. He shouldn’t be wasting his time on a needy good-for-nothing loser. 

Suddenly, the tent rattled as someone hit one of the walls. “Hey! Ignis! You in here?” Noct called out. 

Oh god. If Noct saw him like this...

Ignis removed himself from Prompto and whispered, “I’ll be back soon.” He then got up and left the tent to talk to Noctis. 

_ He’s not coming back. Why would he come back for you?  _

_ The only reason he tried to comfort you was out of pity. It’s not like he could ever actually care about you.  _

Prompto struggled to breathe. His heart jumped to unfathomable speeds. He clutched his arms so tight his skin started to ache from the little crescents his nails cut into him. 

He deserved that pain. He deserved all of it. Without realizing it, he started to pinch and scratch at his skin. 

And then Ignis returned. His hands grabbed Prompto’s wrists softly. “Don’t,” Ignis pleaded. 

“I’m sorry,” Prompto blubbered. Everything he did seemed to make Ignis upset.

Ignis released his wrists and pulled him back into a hug. “I shouldn’t have left.” 

Prompto wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault. He wanted to say he was weak and dumb and useless. But he knew that would only upset Ignis more.

“So… what did Noct want?” Prompto asked. “You didn’t tell him about this... did you?” 

“Of course not. It’s up to you who knows. He simply was wondering where dinner was.” 

Guilt washed over him. “Oh, I’m keeping you from eating…You should go make the others some food...” 

Ignis gave him a little squeeze. “I don’t want to leave you alone again, Prompto. Ideally, I would have one of the others take care of you while I cook something but I’m not sure if that’s something you’d be comfortable with.”

Prompto’s breath hitched. “If the others saw me like this…” His mind raced. “Well, I guess it’s not really a first time for Noct but Gladio… God, I-” 

“And if it were just Noctis? Would that be alright? You don’t have to tell him anything you don’t want to.” 

Prompto took a long shaky breath. “I guess so…” 

Ignis pulled out his phone, texting with one hand and rubbing Prompto’s back with the other. He sent Noct a message as fast as he could. 

Prompto honestly couldn’t believe that Ignis was still here. That he had come back for him. That he had let him cry on him and held him until he had calmed down. Did Prompto really deserve someone like that in his life? Probably not. And yet, here he is. 

Prompto felt his anxiety calm. He had no idea where things would go from here. He may lose everything. He may drive everyone away. But right here, in this moment, things were okay. 

“Actually we’re in luck. Noct says Gladio left a bit ago. He’s apparently off doing some business with Cor. So if we left the tent it’d just be Noct. Is that alright?” 

Prompto bit his lip but nodded. At least Ignis hadn’t kicked Gladio out for his sake. He couldn’t bear the thought of being that much of a burden. 

Ignis stood up and offered a hand to Prompto. 

Prompto stared at the hand for a moment. The sight brought back anxiety from years ago.  _ Heavy.  _

Taking a deep breath, Prompto stood up on his own, rejecting the hand that was offered. He felt guilty rejecting it but… he just couldn’t. Ignis at least didn’t look too hurt.

Ignis walked over to the caravan door, easing it open. Prompto found himself clinging to his arm like some sort of pathetic leech. 

Noct’s mouth hung agape when he saw him, causing Prompto to flinch and Ignis to glare at him. Noct stood there frozen for a few seconds. It was so much worse than he thought. Gods, he had never seen Prompto this bad. 

Prompto slid behind Ignis a little more, trying to hide himself from Noctis’ stares. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake. He wanted to run back inside the tent. 

“Noct,” Ignis warned, snapping him out of his daze. 

Noctis rushed to Prompto’s side, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Prompto?” he said, trying to make eye contact with his friend who was intensely staring at his own shoes. 

“I’m going to cook dinner now, Prompto,” Ignis said, gently pulling his arm as a reminder that Prompto’s fingers were clamped around it. 

Prompto nodded, feeling worse than before but released Ignis’ arm. He watched as Ignis walked off, dreading to see him go. 

“Dude, I’ve never seen you like this before. Is everything alright?” 

Before Prompto could answer Noct had pulled him into a hug. “Nevermind. Dumb question.” 

Prompto tried to relax and hug him back. He could see Noctis was worried about him but he couldn’t tell if that made him feel better or worse. 

Noct soon released the hug. “Let’s go sit down somewhere,” he said. He grabbed Prompto’s hand and pulled him over to a soft patch of grass. The two sat down. 

“So… I don’t suppose you want to talk about it,” Noct said. 

Prompto shook his head, hating the way more tears spilled out when he did so. He hated that Noctis was seeing him like this. “C-can we just… I dunno… talk?” 

Noct slung his arm around Prompto’s shoulders again. Prompto’s head leaned into Noct’s chest. In this position, he could hear the prince’s heartbeat. He tried to match his own heart and breathing to Noct’s, hoping to quell the anxiety. 

“Sure, uh…” he searched his mind for a possible topic. The two chatted for awhile. It lifted Prompto’s spirits a bit. Or at least distracted him from the self-loathing thoughts. 

Ignis returned from his cooking area. 

“Oh is the food ready?” 

Ignis shook his head. “I’m working on it. Prompto, I came to ask if you are feeling well enough to eat.” 

Prompto felt his blood go cold.  _ I told you he’d try to stop you.  _

Ignis read his reaction and sighed. “Can I offer you some tea, then? It should be a little easier to stomach and you should really stay hydrated.”

Prompto nodded.

“Still nauseous, huh? That sucks dude.” 

Prompto nodded absentmindedly. “You’re a good friend, Noct…” 

His hand scratched around the bracelet on his right arm. “I don’t deserve to be friends with someone like you.” 

Noct pulled away for a moment, filling Prompto with horror and fear.  _ What the hell are you doing? You can’t push people away and beg them to stay at the same time.  _ But Noct was only adjusting the position so he could look Prompto in the eyes. 

“Dude, where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” 

The tears started up again. He kept talking and talking. Desperately trying to push everyone he loved away. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve any of your guys’ kindness. I-” 

Noct’s finger found its way to Prompto’s lips as he made a soft  “shh.” Then he pulled him back into a hug. “I think you’re great, Prom.”

Prompto didn’t believe him. “You… but you don’t know… there’s things about me that if you knew…” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Noct said with a tone of finality that shut Prompto up immediately. 

Prompto was shaking in Noct’s arms. 

“Let me tell you something I’ve never really put into words before,” Noct said, taking a deep breath. “Growing up was so… lonely. I didn’t really have any friends before you. No one looked at me or tried to talk to me… and when they did they spoke to a prince and not  _ me,  _ you know? _. _ But… you talked to  _ me _ . You treated me just like a regular person and… all that loneliness went away. I’m… really glad we met. You’re the best friend a guy could ask for.” 

Somewhere in the middle of his speech Prompto burst into tears. But happy tears this time. It was just so overwhelming to hear such praise come from someone who meant everything to him. And for some reason… he could almost believe it this time. 

Ignis set down the tea in front of Prompto without a word, not wanting to interrupt the moment. Prompto gladly took the tea, trying his best not to get any snot drips in the cup. 

Ignis grabbed dinner and set it down in front of Noctis. He then joined them on the ground. He loathed getting his pants dirty like this but his friend needed him right now. 

“So…” Prompto started, biting his lip a little. “Do you guys actually… want me around?”  _ Of course they don’t. Why bother asking?  _

_ Shut up. You don’t know that.  _

“Of course,” Ignis said.

“Hell yeah I do,” Noct replied without hesitation. 

“And you guys don’t think I’m pathetic? Weak? A burden?” Prompto continued. He set down the now empty teacup. 

“No way dude!’’ Noct said, dramatically setting down his fork.  

He clenched his fists tight, wishing he could just believe everything they were saying. “So you’re not going to leave me?” He said. Tears stung his eyes for the hundredth time that night. 

Noct slung an arm over his shoulder. Ignis grabbed his hand. 

“We’re not going to leave you,” Ignis assured. 

_ They say that now but they don’t know the truth.  _

Prompto was exhausted. His head spun. His eyes were dry and swollen. He wanted nothing more than to sleep. But… he couldn’t sleep yet. Not before he talked to Ignis about this.

“Ignis… I think I’m ready to talk about it now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember when I was writing this, I thought that I wrote the boys 100% platonic but reading this again... wow I queer coded them so hard. Hi I am gay and I think that shows in the way I write male characters haha. 
> 
> If someone you love has an eating disorder, I know it can be super hard to watch, but you cannot force them to get better. I know a lot of people when they find out about someone having an eating disorder, their first instinct is to get as many calories into their body as possible which is a terrible idea because a) this will trigger the eating disorder even more b) they are super likely to purge and/ or overcompensate for it c) the sudden intake of calories will shock their digestive system. Also, if they are in denial that it is an eating disorder you cannot force them to realize that either. It sucks but it is most likely a conclusion that they will have to come to by themself. 
> 
> Last chapter coming soon. Thanks for reading this far :) and thank you to anyone who has left kudos on this fic.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompto finally discusses things with Ignis and starts the long path to recovery

There was a tension in the air. Prompto could feel a sense of finality. This conversation would most likely change everything, for better or for worse. That terrified him and yet he remained surprisingly resolute.

“I think I… have an eating disorder,” The words made Prompto shudder. Hearing it said out loud suddenly made it more real. He was so afraid.

Ignis nodded. “How long?” he asked.

“Um… eight years I- I think,” Prompto said, avoiding eye contact. He heard a quick, barely audible, gasp from Ignis.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner,” he said.

Prompto squirmed, fidgeting with his bracelet. “So...you’re going to stop me now aren’t you…”

Ignis took a long breath “Prompto… I don’t want you to suffer anymore. What you’re doing is quite literally killing you.”

He understood. Part of him even wanted Ignis to stop him. The rational part of his brain.

But… the other part of him didn’t want to lose these habits. They made him feel good, in control.

“So what now?” Prompto asked.

Ignis closed his eyes for a moment, considering the options. “Unfortunately, I don’t really have the necessary expertise with these kinds of things. I think the best option is to get you in contact with a professional.”

Prompto’s heart raced. He could barely talk to his friends about this so the idea of talking about his problems to a complete stranger was completely overwhelming. “I-I really don’t like that idea. I don’t-I _can’t_ talk about this. I-”

Ignis’ expression softened. He offered his hand to Prompto who gratefully accepted. “So you feel as though you can’t talk about it… Is that because you feel guilty? Like this is somehow your fault?”

An icy bullet shot his chest. Ignis’ words were dead on. “But it _is_ my fault. I mean, _I’m_ the one doing this to myself…”

Ignis’ gave his hand a little squeeze. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for this. From what I understand, those negative thoughts that fuel this behaviour have taken control of you. You probably won’t be able to overcome it on your own.”

Prompto thought back to all those times he tried to quit the behaviour. To just go back to the way things were before. But he always just seemed to come back to these habits. Maybe Ignis had a point.

He was _never_ in control.

“Wow you seem to know a lot about this kinda stuff,” Prompto said.

Ignis nodded. “I… did quite a lot of research before approaching you about it. I just… didn’t want to mess things up and make it harder for you.”

“You really care a lot huh.” Prompto mumbled mindlessly. He sighed. “I… I’ll try it.”

Ignis relaxed a little. “I’ll make an appointment as soon as possible. You should consider letting the others know. I understand it’s difficult but they could help-”

Prompto bit his lip. “Yeah, they deserve to know… C-could you tell them for me? I think I’d just chicken out.”

Ignis nodded. “Of course. Thank you Prompto.”

Ignis released his hand and stood to leave.

“Um, Ignis?” Prompto called out softly.

Ignis stopped.

“I-I think I could try eating something now…” Prompto was immediately punched in the gut with anxiety. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, doing his best to push away the swirling thoughts.

Ignis nodded. He left and motioned for Prompto to follow.

Ignis cooked up something light. He really wanted to get as many calories back into Prompto as he could but he resisted the urge. That wouldn’t do him any good and it’d probably just make things worse. Instead, he made a fairly simple soup. Mostly broth, with chunks of vegetables. It would probably be easier for Prompto to eat. It was a start at least.

“Thanks Iggy,” Prompto said, returning to his usual cheer. He ate as much soup as he could which admittedly wasn’t that much.

“Will you be able to keep that down, Prom?” Ignis asked suddenly.

“Huh? Yeah… I mean it’s really not that much is it?”

“I meant… you’re not going to uh… _purge_ it, are you?”

Prompto froze. “W-what gives you that idea?”

Ignis dropped his gaze. “Well… I recall in Galdin Quay...”

Prompto thought back to that time. All that cake. Oh god. He thought no one knew about that. Anxiety welled up in his chest all over again.

“I thought you were asleep and well I- uh… there was so much cake and I-”

Ignis shook his head. “You only had a slice and a half, Prompto.”

“What? No. That can’t be.”

“I cut the cake into twelve slices. It was supposed to be three each but Gladio ate five and Noct ate four. That leaves three slices which I distinctly remember dividing evenly with you.”

Prompto starred in confusion for a moment, trying to recall. He knew Ignis was right. His intrusive thoughts had altered his memory, making it seem worse than it was… Wow.

“Anyway, I just wanted to ask if that’s something you still struggle with,” Ignis added.

Prompto shook his head. “No, I should be alright.”

Ignis nodded. “You should get some sleep. I’m gonna cancel our plans for tomorrow so sleep in as long as you want, alright?”

Prompto nodded, feeling thoroughly drained.

 

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Gladio growled as he returned to where the others were.

“Not so loud, Gladio. Prompto’s asleep,” Ignis hissed in reply.

Noct yawned next to Ignis. “I wish I were asleep…”

Ignis closed his eyes and rubbed his temple in frustration. “You can go back to bed after this. I… confronted Prompto last night about his health-”

“You mean the nausea? Good. I’ve been worried,” Gladio interrupted.

“Well actually, the nausea was lie to cover up the fact that he has an eating disorder-”

Noctis gasped. “What? Oh my god…”

“He didn’t want us to know about it. When I confronted him about it he… it triggered a panic attack.”

“And you sent me away?” Gladio yelled. “I care about him too, you know.”

“The poor boy is intimidated by you and I don’t blame him! Look at the way you treat Noct every time he’s upset or struggling!”

“That’s different! Noct’s got a duty as future king-”

“Do you really think Prompto sees it that way?”

“I-” Gladio grunted in defeat. “God, I hate it when you’re right. So what did you tell Prompto about my absence?”

“I told him you were out with Cor.”

Gladio nodded before putting his head in his hands, trying to process the whole mess.  

“So what now?” Noctis asked timidly.

“I’m going to head out to town to restock on items and see if I can book an appointment for Prompto. What he really needs is professional help. I’ve left some soup on the burner for him. All he needs to do is turn the burner on and stir a bit. Should take only a few minutes.”

Noctis nodded. “Anything we can do?”

Ignis contemplated for a moment. “Just be there for him. Try not to leave him alone for too long. Let him know you care about him.”

Noct and Gladio both nodded.

“Physical contact works well too. I believe he’s much more affectionate than he lets on,” Ignis added, turning to leave. “Be back soon.”

“Bye Iggy,” Noct said as Ignis left.

The two sat there digesting Ignis’ words for a bit before Noctis yawned and headed for the tent. As he opened the door, he ran into Prompto exiting the tent.

“Whoa sorry dude,” Prompto said cheerily.

Noctis and Gladio just stared at him for a second, their faces twisted with... concern? Pity?

“Oh I guess Ignis told you guys, huh?” Prompto asked, rubbing the back of his neck and dropping his gaze.

This snapped the two out of their daze. “Yeah,” Gladio said.

“Well I’m going back to bed.” Noct announced, heading into the tent.

It was just Prompto and Gladio.

“Sorry you were sent away…” Prompto said, feeling the need to apologize.

Gladio was visibly shocked. “I... guess you heard that?”  

Prompto nodded. “Iggy was right to lie to me,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t think I would have taken the truth very well last night.”

Prompto moved to the kitchen and turned on the burner like Ignis had instructed.

There was an awkward tension between the two of them. “You doing better this morning?”

“A little.” He stirred absentmindedly.

“That’s...good.”

After a few moments of silence and a lot of reflection from both of them Prompto decided to ask a question. “Gladio? Um… You’re probably the most brutally honest person I know. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Prompto looked him in the eyes. “I’m serious. I want the truth. Don’t try to spare my feelings.”

“Uh… alright?”

“Do you… do you actually want me around?”

Gladio opened his mouth to speak but the words didn’t come out. He wasn’t sure how to speak.

Prompto felt numb. _See?_

Gladio took a deep breath. “I.. didn’t always. I thought you were too weak to be able to protect Noctis in any way. I thought you were just distracting him from his duty. But, I soon learned how wrong I was. You may not be very strong but you’re pretty skilled with a gun and I can tell you have the same dedication to Noctis as Ignis and I do. And… you’re indispensable to Noct. You have a way of comforting and cheering him up that Ignis and I can’t seem to provide…Was that brutally honest enough?”

A rush of emotions hit Prompto all at once. He wasn’t quite sure how to process them all. “So… you don’t think I’m a burden?”

“No.”

“And you don’t think I’m useless?”

“No.”

Tears stung Prompto’s eyes. “And you actually maybe kinda… _care_ about me?”

Prompto was immediately embarrassed as soon as the words left his mouth. He hastily dropped his gaze and began to fill a bowl up with the warmed soup.

“I care about you a lot, Prom,” Gladio said with a sudden softness. “Even if you don’t always believe it.”

Prompto, now done pouring the soup had no choice but to join Gladio at the table. He took a few sips in silence, trying to process everything Gladio had just told him.

It’s strange. He had spent so many years feeling so… alone and miserable. He spent so much time being afraid of what his friends might think of him if they knew… But there really wasn’t any reason to be afraid. Of all the things he expected to happen if they found out he never expected to feel so relieved.

Of course, he was still terrified. The future felt so uncertain. Would he be able to stop? Would stopping even help? Would he be… happy?

But if there was one thing he knew about the future, it’s that his friends would stand by him through it all.

“Thanks, Gladio,” Prompto finally responded.

Gladio nodded. “Anytime.”

 

His first therapy session was… a mess. It made him to confront a lot of difficult emotions that he had been pushing back. And yet, he left that office feeling... hopeful.

It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in years.

That year would become one of the most challenging years of his life. Recovery was certainly not easy. But his friends never gave up on him.

And he was so grateful for that.

And by the end of it, he was shocked at how far he had come. He never even knew he could recover like this. To be able to laugh, and have fun, and not obsess over weight and food. To be able to just… _be_.

And sure, that mean voice came back from time to time but… he now knew how to fight back. And it didn’t control him anymore.  
And he was no longer afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think recovery is the thing that surprised me the most about this whole experience. I can't even express how much it has improved my life :) It gets better y'all!!  
> However, I feel like my body and health is not the same as it was before. Like how a scar can completely heal over but the new skin is not as strong as it was before. That's how my body feels in a lot of ways.
> 
> Anyway, that's all, folks!! Thanks for reading :)


End file.
